Ekayana

‘Practice turning the negative thoughts you have into positive ones until this becomes a habit’ I read while I hear about stabbed sexual offenders.

The proximity is no more than half a metre; the feeling, stone deep cold inside.

I wish to turn off, but in an empathetic line of study, my hypocrisy sees light; my double standards rear their ghastly head. Have I really conquered this?

Of late I have pondered over my relationship with other people; there is a fine line between my ineffable love, and my burgeoning, sometimes suffocating, impatience breaking forth.

Perhaps Marley’s words of decolonisation speak loudest of this crux; ‘emancipate yourselves from slavery, none but ourselves can free our mind’. This moment; it is in the mindset. I subconsciously create my double standards....

Some words of wisdom perpetrated this thinking yesterday, when I was told that impatience perhaps rises out of our rational selves. Perhaps our need for survival goes too far, implying our pride is crushed when our ego is silenced. But if in such times we stepped back and empathised with the talked of situation our heart, as cheesy as that sounds, would feed compassion into our struggling selves?

Perhaps altruistically we could gain so much imparted knowledge, if only we had the fore-sight? If only this crushed pride, and silenced ego sang out ‘at once I knew I was not magnificent’, rather than resisting, and then whimpering in the corner.

If only the asceticism I have come to know in the last few days so keenly, cradled, swaddled and put away the jealousy, pride and ever burdening ego?

What then of my ineffable love for humanity on the unbalanced equilibrium?

Why then do I fall so poly-amorously for people I can have socially, but not personally?

This was challenged when, surrounded by candle light and darkness, I knew that to be loved and to love was everything! To possess, to gain territory was to terrorise the equilibrium of sharing, this toxicity inherent in our reservations and assumed inhibitions.

I come out richer; I love, and with this love I guide through the vascular channels of aortas broad and inviting. The love of the brain, for now, is to be cradled, swaddled and put away with the jealousy, pride and ever burdening ego.

Because, at once I knew I was not magnificent!